Where am I?

It's been a crazy couple weeks. I found out that my aunt Kathy passed away, so I drove to New Jersey for her funeral. It was wonderful to see my family, seeing Jackie's face light up when I walked in the door made me feel happy in light of the circumstances. A wonderful lady left us and we were all there to celebrate her life. She was a sweet heart and knew how to love fully. 

After driving 6hours back I finally managed to make it back to get no sleep at all from a crazy kitten. Her name is bean and she's psycho. I love her though, coming home to her being happy to see me makes my days/nights worth it 

I do miss my other baby peanut, back home. She made me feel like everything was worth it. I miss you peanut, you would like bean. She's as sassy as you 

Here's some pictures from the last couple weeks and our(Amanda and I) recent trip to Maryland for Perkins<3

I did her hurrr.

Last night Amanda asked me to do her hair. I was really impressed by how it turned out 

Changing some things around

We I decided to change my blogs name and title, because it was just to negative for me to look at. I didn't want to throw this blog away like I have with so many others, I've actually grown quite fond of the little guy. 

Yesterday was Dylan's birthday, me and Amanda split the cost of his presents because we are so broke and lame kids(insert okay emoji) here's a lovely picture of the princess

We watched Harry potter and are fast food because that's all we can afford. 

I'm very excited about work today 3-8 here I come! Oh go team USA! 

That's about all for today, nothing very exciting is happening besides the Fourth of July and that's about it.  

Anyone back home, if you are reading, I miss your guys out. 

Lostgirlnicole

This has been my longest running screen name here on the internet and I love it very much. 

Lostgirlnicole

I first got the idea because I'm a huge Peter Pan fan, and if there were lost boys, why couldn't there be lost girls? But it's grown to so much more for me. 

Being a lost girl still always goes back to wishing I was taken away to neverland, but I also get lost while driving or going anywhere in life, and some times getting lost makes for the best adventures. I've found that out so many times over and over and I refuse to be found. Moving north has made me so lost and it's the thrill of not knowing my surroundings and have to adventure out and figure out where I am, that I crave. 

I also know that I lose my way to an actual future with a job and salary and family but I always find my way back to it. And when I do it makes it better everytime to realize what I'm trying to achieve. Being lost is a blessing for me.

If you ever get lost, look at it as the universe saying "hey, slow your roll kid. You have your entire life to figure it out" far to often we think we need to settle down right away, and yes everyone's life is different. But if you haven't found someone yet, or you just got out of a bad relationship, or you are just lost, don't worry about it. Everything will come to you in time. The universe knows what it can throw at you. 

Just enjoy being lost 

Once you accept your life and what hand you've been delt, peace comes to you and you can start being one with the world.

Here's a cool pic I took when I got lost today. The storm was coming in right at this time and it was just so perfect. 

Find something that you fall in love with everyday. 

Take one day at a time. 

I had sworn of shows but i just can't stay away.

I decided about a year and half ago that I wasn't going to continue to buy tickets to go to shows to see local bands play. 

It wasn't because of the local bands trust me if I could bring their music with me everywhere I totally would! 

I just couldn't stand the dirty looks I would get or how much shit we talked. It was horrible. Everyone judged everyone...harshly. So that's when I decided to stop going 

Moving to WV and having friends who are in a band I go to support them, because I think it's better if you just support people rather than put them down. I would want them to support me in whatever i do. "Do to others what you want done to you". And wv doesn't seem like such a judgmental place. Maybe it's because I don't know many people yet but that's okay. I'd rather be blind to it. 

But for those of you who care here are a few pictures of the show last night. I got to see sworn enemy and it was like FLhawdcore all over again. Except no fucking crowd killing that seems to be a cool thing I guess. Fuck that noise. Also, the boys in Get With It! Deserve a big shout out because they played with with most metal bands and they didn't think everyone would like them but they were a hit. Great job boys. Bringing my camera next time!

Get with it

Alex

Get with it

Sworn enemy

What's love got to do with it

I've been in love once... Or twice... Or a million times. 

Okay, so maybe it wasn't a million times but twice I've felt real love, someone I want to marry, someone I want to spend my life with, to buy a car with, to have kids with. And both times when I realized that I was only the age I was at I would talk myself out of it. 

My first love, Danny. Wanted me to marry him and he would go into the army because "with me by his side he could accomplish anything" that pushed me away but made it hard for me to leave. After realizing he treated me poorly I left. 

My second love to date, jake. Told me he would marry me. I would have too, but then college came and I thought well I'm only 20. I was still living with my mom and was in a weird place for myself. The tough part about leaving him was he helped me; he helped me be okay with eating again. He was my rock and I still love him, but I know after hurting him he is better off without me. I hope you are well, jake. I love you.

But thinking about it, recently, mostly because I'm always searching for it. I want to find someone I'm truly content with but I know i won't be happy tied down. It's a horrible feeling realizing that it's my true nature to be alone. I'm hoping I change to someone who can be happy with a person one day in the future. Not soon because I need to figure myself out but maybe in 5 years when I've grown up a bit more. 

Coppers Rock was legit

Last night I received a call from my good friend Pat, we had a nice conversation, and it made me miss him and my winter down south. We had everything and everything was good, but things have changed and we've both moved on and it's lovely that we stay in touch.

He told me to go to Coppers Rock today, before work. It was a great idea on his part, so if you happen to see this Patty, Thanks kid.

Being there, in nature, made me realize that everything doesn't have to be complicated. It can all be as simple as a beautiful outside day. It was quite, calm, and peaceful. If I had more time there I would have gone father, but where I walked was good enough for me. 

Today nature taught me to just relax and take a deep breath, to step away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and just enjoy and relish in the outdoors. Nature reminded me of growing up, playing outside in the trees and making mud pies, trips to Jersey and eating honeysuckle, visiting North Carolina and going hiking and horseback riding.  If I could have a job that allowed me to enjoy the outdoors as much as I have while growing up. My life would be complete.

I'm working everyday to feeling peace within myself. I lost it when I left Florida, and I'm trying my hardest to get it back.